I hate to break it to you, so I’ll try to do it gently.
When your child with food allergies doesn’t grow out of them, or gain remission after treatment, you’ll be food allergy parenting for life, albeit not day-to-day and in a much more hands-off way after they've grown and flown.
There are certain circumstances, though, when you will need to directly intervene on their behalf, even then they’ve been ‘adult-ing’ for awhile.
I guess the good news here is that you’ll still be able to switch into full-on food allergy mom mode in a heartbeat. You never lose it — it's ingrained in you after the countless hours you spent navigating 504 meetings, birthday parties, team events, school transitions while your child with food allergies was growing up.
This hit me recently on a zoom call with a room full of parents I’d never met, trying to plan a graduation party for my allergic son’s little brother.
I was relieved that ‘allergies’ were listed on the meeting agenda, giving me an opening. When it got to the food part of the agenda, I mentioned my soon-to-be graduate has an older brother with food allergies. I suggested that guests with food allergies or celiac disease should be able to contact the pizza caterer directly to discuss.
The ask was simple. Nothing more. Nothing less.
The conversation immediately turned to celiac disease and how costly it’d be to provide gluten free pizza for the event, and maybe a tray of chicken could suffice as an alternative….and the salad…definitely no croutons.
Feeling my food allergy concern wasn't heard, I gamely piped-up again about food allergies, explaining that because over 160 foods can cause allergic reactions, I thought families should be able to speak with the caterer about any concerns.
No one commented. Silence.
The conversation moved on to the next agenda item.
I felt not heard.
But when the meeting summary was shared, any families with food allergies were directed to contact the caterer.
Grateful. I had been heard.
And yes, I can hand off that research phone call to my adult son. Or not. My option.
You can look forward to years of running interference on your adult allergic child's behalf when your family's invited by distant relatives, friends of friends, your work acquaintances – think graduations, engagement parties, weddings, baby showers, milestone anniversaries, retirement parties, etc. – and you’re the direct (maybe only?) connect to the hosts.
Some things you push-off to your adult ‘kids’, because they’re adults and are supposed to be ‘adulting’, but some things you just don’t — too awkward? too complicated? your mom heart? And it’s ok.
It’s as important today as it was all those years ago when your child was little to keep them included and safe, however you make that happen, so they can just be…in the moment…with the family (and maybe have something safe to eat).
The good news is that advocating for a food allergic 'child', no matter the age, is like riding a bike when you haven't done it for awhile. You brush the dust off the seat and pedal with the best of them.
As a parent, you do what you have to do. You do it with love. And, you do it for life.
About the Author: Gayle Rigione, food allergy advocate and content creator, is CEO and Co-founder of Allergy Force. She’s also an allergy mom. She’s lived the heart stopping moments when her son ate the wrong thing, second guessed reactions and raced to the ER. These experiences inspire her to create tech tools and educational resources for people with food allergies. Whatever you do, do it with a full heart. Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
Images: Oscar Ramirez on Unsplash and Allergy Force on Canva